The Odyssey Today

Captains Courageous

The Big Day

It's here. You've waited and waited, and now it has all paid off. Office Odyssey -- The Engagement Party Episode. Be forewarned, though -- what follows are unexpurgated photos of real people experiencing real engagement party thrills. There are no stunt doubles. No second takes. This is raw footage in all its visceral grandeur. You'll feel the angst as Kristanne and I race from boatdock to bathroom so that we might shower, shave, and dress, narrowly making it in time for our own party. You'll tingle with queasiness as we struggle to remember the names of everyone we've hugged, making mental thank-you note lists as we go. You'll hope to heck that no one else notices that dagnabbed Tompkins taking hits off his little sneaky-pete bottle over in the corner (who invited him, anyway?). You'll sigh in romantic contentment as Kristanne and I revel in the warmth of family and friends. If this is a prelude to marriage, then let those bells ring out! Read on -- the Engagement Party Episode is here!

We got an amazingly early start on our Engagement Party shenanigans, rising with the rooster at a popping-fresh 6:30 AM to greet the new day. Unfortunately, the only greeting we were able to muster at this insane hour was a guttural moan, "coffeee...coffeeee..." Calvin and Rosalie soon joined us in this pitiful chorus, so we all headed off to a bakery for a little caffeine along with some deep-fried dough rolled in sugar (umm, donuts). Fortified, we went off to the boat dock to pick up our rental pontoon boat. Calvin and Rosalie had thought that getting a boat for the first half of the day would be a great way to show our Northwestern contingent what a Sierra Nevada lake looked like. However, since our Northwestern contingent had the hour drive up the hill from Clovis to Shaver to contend with, we thought we'd get a jump on them and check out the early morning on the lake. It was great -- the sun was out, sparkling on the calm blue waters as we sipped on coffee and gathered the mental energy we would need to face the day ahead. Forty-five minutes was about all the time we had, though -- soon the other folks would be arriving, and we needed to meet 'em, greet 'em, and get 'em to the boat dock for their fifteen minutes of cruising pleasure.
So, back to the dock, lickety-split, and then on to the rental cabin, where some of my family had already managed to arrive after the drive up the hill. Before long, the rest of my crew arrived, spouting tales of woe from last night's drive down the mountain. For reasons unknown to me, everyone seemed to be calling my Aunt Jan, "The Chummer." Hmmm...curiouser and curiouser. I decided to let it ride, concentrating on herding everyone into cars to head back to the boat dock. Time was getting tight, though, and we pretty much could only take the boat out about 200 yards before we had to bring it back into dock so we could get back to the engagement party on time. We were taking on water, anyway, the result, no doubt, of loading the boat beyond its maximum passenger load of twelve. No matter. We had showers to take, teeth to brush, necks to shave, and only ten minutes before the festivities were scheduled to commence. The situation was dire -- we absolutely needed the driving excitement that only Kristanne can provide. Get us to the church on time, Bean!
Party On, Folks
And another thing... Kristanne did her best but, alas, it wasn't enough. We pulled in to the driveway just behind Kristanne's grandpa, who, as usual, was right on time. We weren't, so we sprinted up the stairs right past him with a "Hey, Grandpa...wassup?" and headed on in to the shower. After a land-speed record performance of my toilet, I bounded down the stairs, ready to eat, drink, and orate wildly on whatever topic might strike my fancy. I started out slowly, remarking on my love for Kristanne, what a joyous occasion this was, and my delight that everyone could be there today. Soon, however, I realized that I had a captive audience. It was our party -- they couldn't go anywhere. So, I decided to launch into my usual epic soliloquy on the intellectual poverty of modern conservative philosophy. There you see me at left, rising to a fever pitch as I head into the "family values are a smokescreen" section of my lecture, pausing only to refill my champagne glass or to admonish some ill-mannered heckler who was going on about, "Dude, it's an engagement party." Shut up, Mom. I'll be done when I'm done, and not a second before.
Eventually, though, Kristanne got me into a neutral corner where she could bathe my forehead with a cool compress. I began to feel like my old self again, able to converse normally without slipping into a frothing rage at the slightest provocation. Of course, it didn't hurt that those calm-looking men at right sedated me with what appeared to be a horse tranquilizer. By the looks on their faces, I'd say they were sampling a bit of their own medicine, too -- a little too blissed out, eh? Then they stole the buffet.

The party was going great. About fifty folks showed up, full of encouragement, congratulations, and bonhomie. Kristanne hadn't seen her extended family together in some time, and she was reveling in it, saying hello here, exchanging pleasantries there, giving hugs everywhere. She was positively glowing with happiness. Also, the occasional tear, especially when she opened some presents from her two grandmothers. Grandma Allen had given her a gorgeous necklace that had been passed down from her Great-Great Grandma. Before her tears had even had a chance to dry from that one, Grandma Bohner came up and gave her a sheet that had been made by her Great-Great Grandma on that side of the family. It, too, had been passed down through the generations to where it now sat -- in Kristanne's trembling hands.

Pretty amazing stuff. Then, my Dad gave me a beer that had been passed down from the cooler outside, and I started crying. This engagement party stuff can get pretty emotional, I tell you. After a while, Rosalie and Calvin delivered a wonderful toast to me and Kristanne, with everyone joining in (except for Tompkins, who I believe was passed out in the back room). Things were going great as we headed into the Photo Session portion of the Engagement Party. This was where Kristanne and I posed with various folks and everyone took pictures. Those shots below of us with our folks are the result of this portion of the party. Though it's not immediately obvious from these shots, Kristanne and I are both pretty much blind from flashbulb exposure at this point. It's a wonder that we were able to fumble our way over to the buffet, but we managed, knocking back some of the kebabs for which we'd worked so hard the day before.

We Are Family

Quite the party. Around 4:30, or so, folks even broke out in a spontaneous version of Sister Sledge's classic disco hit, "We Are Family." Too soon, though, my Northwestern Posse had to catch a flight back to the nether regions of the country, leaving behind a ton of great memories. Everybody seemed to have had a great time, and that made me happy. Heck, just that they showed up made me happy...anything beyond that was gravy. Everyone seemed to get along just great. As Grandpa Allen said later, "Good crew -- not a phony in the bunch." We're with you, Grandpa. We're with you.

Eventually, though, the last guest left and it was just me, Rosalie, Calvin, and Kristanne. Four exhausted folks with their feet up in the air, unable to comprehend the whirlwind that had just hit them. We just sat there for a while, unable to move, basking in the afterglow of a great party. Thanks a ton, Rosalie and Calvin! It was wonderful!

When the music's over...

I almost forgot -- we also took the World's Cutest Picture of Kristanne's cousin Stacey with her son Bradley. You can see it here.

Total Miles for 8/10 = About 16

Next Stop -- More Shaver Lake!


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